It’s been 3 odd weeks since my friend passed away in a car accident. And I must admit, I have spent a lot of that time refusing to dwell on my own mortality and the memories of the dearly departed. It is a sobering reminder that ultimately, we are not always in control of our fates, or what destiny brings us.
I write this as a cacophony of sound and noise swirls around me, people moving about as they make preparations for a party that was supposed to start an hour ago. A tranquil, if slightly uneasy center to a chaotic storm of energy and effort. It reminds me of the duality of existence and the distinct but subtle differences we all fail to notice and take heed of.
Perhaps I am rambling and do not have a point to make. I am not entirely sure. But the chance to pen my thoughts in moments like these is a rare enough opportunity in itself, and utilise it I shall. With my status as an almost total stranger, it affords me the chance to observe and watch, yet still be part of the environment I am undoubtedly a part of.
I see the smiles and gay abandon of the happiness at hand, and I find it contrasting so starkly with emotions that coursed through me little over three weeks ago. And the capacity to observe and experience such extremes of the human condition compels me to consider what it is to be human, yet still retain enough sanity to straddle both ends of the emotional spectrum.
Considering that we are all theoretically capable of the same emotions and extremes, it is interesting to see how the same events can affect different people in massively conflicting ways. How those who see death react, by either stoning themselves to the emotional cost of such a loss, or cave in to that grief and allow it to swallow them up in a tidal surge of unbridled negativity.
And here I am, enlivened by the human condition and continually perplexed by it. Empowered by its insanity. Handicapped by its imagination. I suppose the best legacy I can leave to a departed friend, is to consider the meaning of his passing, and what it has changed for me.
