I could not have wished for a better way to end the weekend.
Considering that the start wasn’t exactly what I had planned it to be. You’re a mystery, you know? And for once, I am happy to be in the dark. The idle chatter, the quiet dinner. The rather cute and amazingly crafted movie that was the entertainment for the evening. The time spent in the park. Cruising.
I am spellbound, yet grounded in the reality of the grey morning that followed.
I have to admit, that this feels slightly alien. Actually, make that Very. Alien. I am not usually prone to bouts of nervousness, nor am I usually inclined to feeling as though I have failed yet succeeded at the same time. At least, not in recent history. Being able to stay in control was always a comfort that I would fall back on. But not this time. And… I didn’t mind paying that price at all.
Some things came so easily with you. The things that should have been hard. Some things were difficult to even contemplate doing. The things that should not have even required any thought. I don’t know how else to explain it. Excessive caution? The fear of torpedoing a good thing before the ship has even sailed? Me?
I am afraid. A beautiful dance of terrifying consequences and precarious balance. The tempo varies, the steps barely perceivable beyond the blur of movement and the implicit trust that is placed on instinct and vibe. There is a grace to the deliberate motions. There is a deftness to their execution.
There is meaning somewhere that I have yet to fully discern its significance.
How decidedly uplifting this feels. A contradiction of the sweetest kind. Riding along this solar flare of incandescent indescribability. And I have no idea what it all means, or where it will lead me to.
But I am happy. May it long continue.
